Roman Kayz Found His Voice. He Wants To Tell You About It.

After years of experimenting with music, singer-songwriter Roman Kayz has found his place. “I just want to make music that people can relate to and connect with on a personal level,” he says in this exclusive interview.

In late 2020, Roman Kayz took a chance and released a song that sounded like nothing in his discography.

“it’s okay to not be okay” was inspired by the K-drama of the same name and, by Roman’s estimate, he finished writing it in just 20 minutes. But the song almost immediately resonated with listeners and gained over 1 million streams.

“That was the turning point in my discography,” he told me recently from Los Angeles. “it’s okay to not be okay” was when Roman realized he had found his sound. 

Nearly three years later, Roman is continuing with that epiphany. He’s just released a trilogy that traces the heartbreak of the end of his first serious relationship to the realization that, maybe, he’ll  be okay. Last week, he dropped the trilogy’s closer, “i can’t afford to love you”, which takes place a year after the first two tracks, “how do i make you stay?” and “like you said you would”.

"I feel like 'i can't afford to love you' is the most timeless work I've put out so far. The songwriting process was the most challenging and it went through so many revisions because I had such a clear picture of the mood and texture I wanted," he said. “But I ended up getting the result that I wanted and I’m pretty happy about it.” 

The song feels rewarding for Roman, not just because he was able to make the song he dreamed of, but because, finally, he feels like he’s making the music that feels the most authentic to him. 

But dial further into his discography, and you’ll find an artist willing to experiment; a singer-songwriter who wants to challenge himself even if the results don’t satisfy him. He’s dabbled in R&B, hip-hop, even pop-punk, all of which looking back, may not feel authentic. But they led him to this point. 

“Up until this year, I had multiple personas as an artist,” he said. “I was experimenting with different kinds of music to figure out what feels the most authentic to me.” The old music made Roman feel like he was chasing a trend; trying to fit himself into a mold that was never made to suit someone like him. 

In person, Roman cuts a quiet presence. He speaks with a low, deep voice and is contemplative when thinking about his work. He’s hard to read at first, but spend enough time with him and you’ll learn he's a strongly opinionated artist who has a clear vision for the music he’s making. 

Often Roman uses music as a way to work out the problems in his head. That’s how the trilogy came together. The break-up was so difficult that he had to find a way to understand what happened. Writing helped. “I definitely released some emotions [with this project] and it helped me heal,” he said, “It let me reflect on the relationship a little differently.” 

But it crucially solidified the direction he wants to take as an artist. “Before I found my sound, I just wanted to write hit songs. I wanted to be a well-known musician. But that’s not the music I want to make,” he explained. “I just want to make music that people can relate to and connect with on a personal level.”

Roman only has a few memories of his childhood in Korea. When I ask what he remembers most, he tells me about playing on a baseball team “which was actually pretty prominent.” But he was gone by the 4th grade. 

Roman’s world opened up in Bangkok, Thailand. There, he attended an American international school where he learned English and was surrounded by friends from different countries. “My international school was like a melting pot of cultures,” he explained, “much like the U.S.” 

Thailand is also where he began to make music. “I first started with covering my favorite songs with, like, my built-in microphone in my Macbook,” he said with a slight laugh. “But when my dad saw my passion, he bought me recording equipment as a Christmas gift and that’s when I started recording my own music.”

Quickly, he was writing, recording, producing, even sound engineering all of his own music. If Roman didn’t know how to create something, he’d use YouTube tutorials. This sort of experimentation, and his reflex to just figure it out would mirror the artistic process that Roman’s mined in the six years since. 

Once he graduated from high school, Roman moved to the U.S., where he now attends UC Berkeley. “When I first got to California, it felt like home,” he said. “I had been influenced so much by Western culture that I wasn’t really surprised by anything.” 

Recording the trilogy “let me reflect on the relationship a little differently,” Roman says.

Roman had already been working on music for 3 years when he moved to California. But the California culture, sleepy, relaxed, stylish, began to creep into his music. He began to meld the influences of artists like the 1975 and Phoebe Bridgers into his songs. His lyrics are conversational, as if you’re listening to a boy talk to a girl who he can’t quite reach. Sometimes the music feels deeply personal, and that’s when Roman’s music soars: when he’s talking about the messy feelings of self-worth and love. 

“In the past, my music tended to be really one-dimensional,” he said. But he’s worked to hone a method that shows, rather than tells, listeners how he feels. “I started to think more outside of the box. I wanted to say the most things by saying the least. I wanted to be more poetic and thought-provoking.” 

“I think the Asian music scene is very saturated right now,” Josh Gong, a co-head of EXPOSITION, said when I asked him how Roman stands out. “But there’s a very distinct sound with Roman and I don’t think many artists are taking the same influences that he is.” 

Roman’s wary of what he describes as “fast food music”. It’s the kind of music that goes viral on TikTok but where the artist is largely faceless. “It feeds your dopamine receptors like crazy because it’s irresistible. But I feel like I lose interest really quickly with those types of songs. It never makes me want to dive into the artist because it doesn't feel like art,” he said. “I’m not gonna compromise a good line of lyrics for catchiness.” 

“I want people to like my music because they trust my vision,” he continued. “I want them to like my music because they like my art and my ideas, rather than having one song they really fuck with and then being forgotten right away.” 

The relationship that inspired the trilogy crumbled when Roman and his girlfriend chose to go on different paths in their lives.

An internal conflict of emotions bubbled up inside Roman when she broke the news. “You don’t want to hinder her from trying to chase her dreams,” he told me of his thought process, “But you also think, Was I ever enough for her? Did she really have to choose her dreams over me?” 

He tried his best to move on and figure it out. Often, he partied, getting drunk at house parties, finding girls who liked him and eventually wanted to date him – but whom he couldn’t return feelings for. Things felt fucked up but he tried to push through. 

“like you said you would” was the first song Roman wrote in the aftermath. It explicitly addresses the moment when the relationship ended. “You told me over the phone that you were leaving the state/ What did you think I would say?” he asks almost rhetorically. “How can I say anything? I can’t make you stay.” If you want the lyrics to hit the hardest, try driving around late at night with the windows down while listening to it. Roman wrote them with that kind of vibe in mind. 

“The second song is about the first time we broke up earlier in the relationship,” he explained about “how do i make you stay”. “I was very inexperienced and I didn't know how to navigate through issues that arise in a relationship.” 

“how do i make you stay?” is actually the brightest song in the trilogy. It’s a catharsis-chasing kaleidoscope of emotions that runs from fear to anger back to desire, all before a gigantic drop kicks in at the chorus. “Tell me the fuckin’ way/ How do I make you stay?” he sings. “I’m lookin back at it/ I’m tryna figure out where we could’ve went the wrong way.” 

Looking back at it now, Roman knows what happened. When things first ended, he explained, it was hard to see how he might have been a problem. And no matter how he played it, things didn’t work out. “I still ended up losing her. The song is about how we broke up,” he paused for a moment. “And I fucked things up.” 

Roman filmed videos for both singles with a director named Brandon Kim. They shot them back to back, night fading into day, with the story continuing through both videos. “We did it intentionally because we wanted to show that it talked about the same relationship and that it was part of the same story,” he said. 

The trilogy’s closer “i can’t afford to love you” takes place one year after “like you said you would”. “The emotions I wanted to focus on are about the conflicting feelings when you try so hard to move on, but she tries to walk back into your life, leaving you with the immense inner chaos.” he said and continued. “You want to go back because you remember all the good times, but then you shouldn’t. You finally come to the realization that you can’t afford to love her.”

The lyrics resemble the racing thoughts he experienced when he first saw his ex at a party. “Talkin’ ‘bout college and things/ Can’t seem to focus, my fault/ Last summer we were in love,” he wrote in the lyrics, which read like his thoughts pouring out in quick succession. “Cut it loose, when did it all/ Go to pieces, our feelings?”

But what I most appreciate about “i can’t afford to love you” is that it’s also about self-love. It’s the first song where Roman puts his needs and himself first. It’s the moment where he admits that he’s only hurting himself by going back. It’s messy and vulnerable; mature and wise. It’s about a boy gaining perspective. 

The images for this single are brighter because of this, with the cover art shot at golden hour. “I wanted to give a little bit of closure with the visuals because I didn’t want the trilogy to be dark throughout,” he said when I asked if this was intentional. “I wanted to give a sense that everything isn’t too bad anymore.” 

How do we pull the pieces together after our world shatters? I found Roman’s music two years ago when I was overwhelmed by my own sadness and depression. My mom was battling an extremely aggressive form of cancer, and usually at night while alone, I’d release a day’s worth of tears. I added “it’s okay to not be okay” to a playlist made for those late nights and often fell asleep listening to it. It’s one of the few songs that brought me so much comfort during that time. 

Roman’s renderings of loss and sorrow have only deepened in his music since then. I believe the importance of Roman’s work is that it validates our pain. His lyrics are a guide through heartbreak and sadness as we work to find ourselves again. These themes will continue to exist in his discography, he told me, even after the trilogy is over. 

When I asked how he wants people to view him as an artist, he was reflective. “If people listen to my music to feel different emotions or to escape how they feel currently,” he said, “Then I think that’s when my job is complete.” 

Photos from this story are credited to Gino Lucas and @katelinayayo.