Female Idols Don’t Owe You An Apology
Why did a 23-year-old idol release a handwritten apology to fans? Because she is dating a famous actor.
aespa’s leader KARINA
“I’m sorry to have startled you,” aespa’s leader KARINA wrote in an Instagram post on Wednesday. It was a cryptic beginning to a message that has now made national news. What followed was an apology that was as baffling to read as it was infuriating. The reason the idol had to post a public apology? She is dating a famous actor.
The news, which was leaked by a popular Korean tabloid, was met with divisive reactions. While many fans have been resoundingly supportive, the loudest have been the shaming and sexist remarks directed at KARINA. According to the Chosun Ilbo newspaper in Korea, one group of fans sent a protest truck to KARINA’s company, SM Entertainment, that read, “Do you not get enough love from your fans? Why did you choose to betray your fans? Please apologize directly. Otherwise, you’ll see declining album sales and empty concert seats.”
According to CNN, on Weibo, a popular social media platform in China, fans were even harsher. “If she really cherished (her fans), she wouldn’t have fallen in love in the first place,” one user wrote. “Her apology is far from sincere and merely just a tactic to save face. It just shows she is scared of losing fans and money.”
On Wednesday, perhaps due to pressure mounting, KARINA posted the apology. “I know very well how disappointed (my fans) who have supported me are and how upset you’re thinking about the memories we shared together,” she wrote. “I want to make up for my hurt fans from now on. I have always been sincere to you, and still each and every one of you are truly precious to me.”
"I would like to make amends for the hurt that I caused to MYs. I have always been sincere to MYs and each and every one of you are so precious to me,” she added. “Thank you for reading this short text, which is not enough to show you everything that I feel, and I promise to show you how I will work harder to not let you down."
Just a few months ago, in November, another SM idol, RIIZE’s Seunghan, apologized after stolen photos of him and an ex-girlfriend were leaked. He was put on hiatus and SM quickly worked to scrub the idol from merchandise drops and the group’s next comeback “LOVE 119”. The idol has not returned to the group or been seen in public since.
So far, KARINA has not been removed from aespa, but it does not make the reality of her situation any less grim or demeaning. It is appalling that a 23 year old woman feels she must owe her fans any sort of explanation for why she is dating. But it’s even more disgusting and wrong that fans feel entitled to this explanation in the first place.
No-dating policies have been a common, unspoken rule in the industry for decades. In 2020, Lucy Jeong reported for the South China Morning Post that JYP Entertainment, another massive K-Pop company, had one of the strictest policies on dating: Idols could not engage in dating or begin a relationship until three years after their debut. Consider, too, that as recently as 2018, HyunA and DAWN were removed from Cube Entertainment after their relationship was made public.
In recent years, these kinds of stories have been tempered with some progression inside the industry. It is now common for idols to be given extended breaks to focus on their mental health. HYBE Entertainment recently hired in-house therapists. Yet just as I believed the industry was moving forward, stories like Seunghan’s hiatus from RIIZE and KARINA’s apology have made me doubt just how much change the industry is willing to undergo.
Consider, too, that women in K-Pop also face a much harsher form of criticism than male idols. Many social critics, including the music critic Park Hee-a, believe this is due to the rise of anti-feminism in South Korea. “The stronger feminism grows in the society, the more girl groups will have to distance themselves from it to ease their male fans,” Park told the Korea JoongAng Daily. “If a girl group starts showing signs of being too confident or too vocal, then they immediately risk being dubbed a feminist and losing fans who are anti-feminist. Anything that seems like it's overly empowering women can be dangerous.”
Yet some of the biggest enablers are the industry’s fans. I am continually disturbed by a paradox that is emerging on social media: Fans are self-aware enough to know that their relationships with idols have become parasocial, but not capable of changing their behavior. Companies are profiting from this: As more photocards are produced for comebacks which are bought, traded and resold in the triple digs, as fans participate in more fan calls in an effort to feel “friendly with their favorite idol”, and as more fans make “jokes” about how socially awkward or “loyal” an idol is, I question whether they understand how unhealthy this industry is becoming.
K-Pop is an industry that is built on the commodification of idols, and dating bans are merely a symptom of the rot. Being an idol is a job and interacting with fans is an essential duty of the job. Yet I am disturbed by the number of fans who do genuinely believe that their favorite idol is not doing what any normal, beautiful young adult would do: Dating. This industry needs to change, and it will take everyone, from fans to professionals within the system to make K-Pop a more humane industry for the artists who deserve it.
